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Sunday, July 28, 2019

LOVE THE KEY TO LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP

Part 1

How easy it is to destroy the thing we love! How quickly a barrier comes between us—a word, a gesture, a smile! Health, mood, and desire cast a shadow, and what was bright becomes dull and burdensome. Through usage we wear ourselves out, and that which was sharp and clear becomes wearisome and confused. Through constant friction, hope, and frustration, that which was beautiful and simple becomes fearful and expectant.  Relationship is complex and difficult, and few can come out of it unscathed. Though we would like it to be static, enduring, continuous, relationship is a movement, a process which must be deeply and fully understood and not made to conform to an inner or outer pattern. Conformity, which is the social structure, loses its weight and authority only when there is love. Love in relationship is a purifying process as it reveals the ways of the self. Without this revelation, relationship has little significance.
But how we struggle against this revelation! The struggle takes many forms: dominance or subservience, fear or hope, jealousy or acceptance, and so on and on. The difficulty is that we do not love; and if we do love we want it to function in a particular way, we do not give it freedom. We love with our minds and not with our hearts. Mind can modify itself, but love cannot; mind can make itself invulnerable, but love cannot; mind can always withdraw, be exclusive, become personal or impersonal.  Love is not to be compared and hedged about. Our difficulty lies in that which we call love, which is really of the mind. We fill our hearts with the things of the mind and so keep our hearts ever empty and expectant. It is the mind that clings, that is envious, that holds and destroys. Our life is dominated by the physical centers and by the mind. We do not love and let it alone, but crave to be loved; we give in order to receive, which is the generosity of the mind and not of the heart. The mind is ever seeking certainty, security; and can love be made certain by the mind? Can the mind—whose very essence is of time—catch love, which is its own eternity?
But even the love of the heart has its own tricks, for we have so corrupted our heart that it is hesitant and confused. It is this that makes life so painful and wearisome. One moment we think we have love, and the next it is lost: there comes an imponderable strength, not of the mind, whose sources may not be fathomed; this strength is again destroyed by the mind, for in this battle the mind seems invariably to be the victor.  This conflict within ourselves is not to be resolved by the cunning mind or by the hesitant heart. There is no means, no way to bring this conflict to an end. The very search for a means is another urge of the mind to be the master, to put away conflict in order to be peaceful, to have love, to become something.
Our greatest difficulty is to be widely and deeply aware that there is no means to love as a desirable end of the mind. When we understand this really and profoundly, then there is a possibility of receiving something that is not of this world. Without the touch of that something, do what we will, there can be no lasting happiness in relationship. If you have received that benediction and I have not, naturally you and I will be in conflict.  You may not be in conflict, but I will be; and in my pain and sorrow I cut myself off. Sorrow is as exclusive as pleasure, and until there is that love which is not of my making, relationship is pain. If there is the benediction of that love, you cannot but love me whatever I may be, for then you do not shape love according to my behavior.
Whatever tricks the mind may play, you and I are separate; though we may be in touch with each other at some points, integration is not with you, but within myself. This integration is not brought about by the mind at any time; it comes into being only when the mind is utterly silent, having reached the end of its own tether. Only then is there no pain in relationship. 
You cannot think about love rather it is feeler. 
If you observe, what makes us stale in our relationship is thinking, thinking, thinking, calculating, judging, weighing, adjusting ourselves; and the one thing which frees us from that is love, which is not a process of thought. You cannot think about love. You can think about the person whom you love, but you cannot think about love. 
We do not know what love is ...
We do not know what love is: we know pleasure; we know the lust, the pleasure that is derived from that and the fleeting happiness which is shrouded off with thought, with sorrow. We do not know what “to love” means. Love is not a memory; love is not a word; love is not the continuity of a thing that has given you pleasure. You may have relationship, you may say, “I love my wife”; but you don’t love. If you love your wife, there is no jealousy, there is no dominance, there is no attachment.
We do not know what love is, because we do not know what beauty is—the beauty of a sunset, the cry of a child, the swift movement of the bird across the sky, all the exquisite colors of a sunset. You are totally unaware, insensitive to all that; therefore, you are also insensitive to life. 
Is love permanent?
An experience of pleasure makes us demand more of it, and the more is this urge to be secure in our pleasures. If we love someone, we want to be quite sure that that love is returned, and we seek to establish a relationship which we at least hope will be permanent. All our society is based on that relationship. But is there anything which is permanent? Is there? Is love permanent? Our constant desire is to make sensation permanent, is it not? And the thing which cannot be made permanent, which is love, passes us by.
The state of love is not of the past or of the future.
I wonder if you have ever considered the nature of love? Loving is one thing, and having loved is another. Love has no time. You cannot say, “I have loved”—it has no meaning. Then love is dead, you do not love: the state of love is not of the past or of the future. Similarly, knowledge is one thing, and the movement of knowing is another. Knowledge is binding, but the movement of knowing is not binding.
Just feel your way into this, don’t accept or deny it. You see, knowledge has the quality of time; it is time-bound, whereas the movement of knowing is timeless. If I want to know the nature of love, of meditation, of death, I cannot accept or deny anything. My mind must be in a state, not of doubt, but of inquiry—which means that it has no bondage to the past. The mind that is in the movement of knowing is free of time, because there is no accumulation.
What happens when there's no love in a relationship?  When there's no love in a relationship, there tends to chaos,  troubles,  constant fighting and disagreement between two coupled. 
Love is a feelings of deep affection,   emotions and attitude toward someone.  Love isn't just being physically interested in person rather it has to do with what you feel mostly affectionately and emotionally. 
Before rushing into relationship,  have you take time to study to partner and now if he really love or or just lusting over you or you over him/her. 
Lust and love are two different feelings entirely.  Lust ad defined by the oxford English Dictionary is a " very strong sexual desire especially when love is not involved."   You see the  clear difference? 
Many rush into relationship without minding to look clearly or rather observe if the relationship they want to involve theirselves in,  if its out of love or lust. 
A relationship based upon lust can never last rather it brings disagreement, argument and regrets.  Most times it causes unfaithfulness in a relationship. 
You see its always nice and good to be careful, very very careful before choosing a life partner.  Take your time to be sure of who you are gonna GI into relationship with,  ask yourself these questions:  Do I love him?  If yes,  does he reciprocate the love a have foe him?  Can we be happy together? 
After asking yourselve these questions,  look for the answer then,  only then you can come into conclusion of whether to be with the person or not. 

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